adieu

so it looks like this will be my last entry for awhile (as if i'd really been regularly updating for awhile now anyway, right?).  the great firewall of china apparently doesn' t like mediums for free expression, and blogs top that list.  i'd been able to get around it for a bit because our office happened to route through a japanese IP address, but we have recently moved into new offices and i can no longer get through.

i suppose now would be a good time for me to use this--my little piece of online sanctuary--for the purpose i've always enjoyed it for most, quiet reflection.  i usually reserve this kind of sentimentality for the end of the year, but we're almost there anyway so what the heck...

one year ago today, i was in a state that could be described in no other way than despair.  i was trapped in a relationship that made me hate myself every day that it wore on, but that i couldn't manage to extricate myself from.  i was stagnating in every front of my life and sacrificing everything i wanted in order to be with someone who took out the frustrations of his own small and desperate life by continually cutting me down.  i tried to leave and was always convinced to stay.  i was overridden with guilt and had convinced myself that somehow everything that was happening was my fault.  in the dark, cold depths of a chicago winter, a part of my vitality died everyday and rotted away.

in the same past year, i mustered every last ounce of strength i had left in me and made nothing short of a screaming explosive break free.  i was absorbed by a torrential tide of grief, and through it all i also took on the founding of a new business operation overseas and an accompanying move of my entire life across the world.  with what tattered remains there were of my former vibrant self, i left, crawling on all fours through blood sweat and tears for some durations of the journey, and scrambling in a desperate gasping sprint in others.

in this past year i arrived in my new world, a post-apocalyptic fairytale of neon lights and dystopic modernization.  as a newly freed prisoner, i wandered, dumbfounded, through its streets.  nothing seemed real.  i didn't seem real.  i couldn't believe that i had actually gotten away, that i was actually going to be allowed to live my life, to be allowed to be myself again.  i dug a hole for myself in these new surroundings and crawled into it, shivering, and hid for the first couple of months.  then, like a plant, i began to sprout from the ground, first with a peeking out of a tiny green tendril, then with an unfurling of the first brave leaf.

as i now draw upon the end of this year, i have stood back up and lifted my eyes back to the sky.  my wounds are deep but my will runs deeper.  they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but i disagree.  there is no doubt that i lost something this past year that i will never recover.  call it innocence; call it youth.  and while it fundamentally changed me and i am not unscathed, i am here.  and with what i have become i have moved on to cherish everything in life that i have fought so hard for.  to anyone and everyone that's stood by me and propped me up through the worst of times, thank you.

here's to the wistful yearning of what the next year will hold.

*walks into the sunset*

big week this week kicked off by 3 official and government-mandated days of mourning for the earthquake victims where cars literally stopped on the streets for a moment of silence at 2:28pm, exactly one week after the quake hit.  all festivities were called off and the would-be closing dinner for our first deal of the fund was reduced to a mere business dinner.  all the same, that combined with several late-night and early morning conference calls had me pretty sleep deprived this week, along with a last-minute business trip to check out a company based in hong kong and macau (dubbed the vegas of asia). 

definitely one of the "funner" business trips i've ever been on--we got to stay overnight at the venetian, tour the site as well as other in-process sites that are still going up run by the venetian.  i then got a whole afternoon pretty much to myself to jump in a cab and head away from the glitz of the cotai strip to check out some old colonial portuguese sights in Old Macau. 

firstly, i'd like to post the most striking set of pictures together.  it amazes me why, in a town with authentic historical and cultural european architecture, they feel the need to construct facades of the same settings that are kitchy touristy imitations.

   
one of the above shots is an interior facade inside the venetian.  the other is a shot of a real square in Old Macau.  can you tell which is which??

some other quick touristy snapshots below:

my HUGE-ass hotel suite at the venetian

"night time" inside the venetian

sistine-style painted ceiling inside the venetian.  although, anticlimactically enough, we were told that most of the painted ceilings were actually screen-printed adhesive sheets that were just stuck onto the ceiling.  this one, however, did actually have a team of italian painters flown in direct from italy to paint over the screenprint color-by-numbers style since the adhesive method didn't work as well.

main entrance to the venetian

(real) night time outside the venetian

gondolier inside the venetian.  don't let the paddle fool you, the boat is motorized.

A-Ma temple in Old Macau

curly incensce at the top of A-Ma temple

St. Augustine's square

St. Dominic's church

the ruins of st. paul's cathedral

the back of the ruins.  yet another mere facade in macau :-p

inside the fortress walls in old macau

too close for comfort

holy moly, this is some scary stuff...

Nearly 10,000 reported killed by China quake

felt my building swaying from my 23rd floor office yesterday and thought i was just getting dizzy and nauseous from something i ate.  and shanghai is over 1,000 km away from the epicenter!

wuzhen: the chinese venice

so went on the first of many fun little excursions to be had on the outskirts of shanghai:  places one can get away from the hustle and bustle of relentless modernization and reminisce about the classic culture that once was china.  this past weekend found me in the little canal town of wuzhen, dubbed by many as the chinese venice for its winding canals and quaint gondolas.  restored in its original structures and layout, it's an adorable postcard of chinese culture that makes you wanna launch into some good ol' fashioned, acrobatic aerial kung fu.

here are some of my favorite shots:

a gondola, sleepily paddling its way through the village

large earthenware jugs with thatched lids placed in the sun as part of the soybean fermenting process.

cool bridge/pier on the water

monsieur mondrian, eat your heart out

traditional dyed fabric hanging out to dry

live silk worms, doing their part to keep the renowned silk industry of the region going strong

my attempt at gondolier-ing (better stick to finance)

beautiful arched bridges over the canals

ancient apothecary shop with skylight

barber shop--the price list on the chalkboard says you can get yourself shaved bald for 10 yuan (~$1.50 USD)!

wuzhen by night

Currently Listening Je Sais Que La Terre Est Plate By Raphaël see related

musings...

well, as my wanderlust matures and seasons my travels with growing introspection, i felt that it would be fitting this go 'round to show some of the more intimate details of why living abroad (with the term "abroad" being loosely defined as anywhere and everywhere you can soak up some new experiences) is such an enlivening experience.  so, in that spirit, i will attempt going forward to focus through a more personal lens the little to not-so-little things that make shanghai special.

Old vs. New

a great vignette i caught fleetingly out of the corner of my eye while walking down the street.  a quintessential juxtaposition of old, antiquated china crumbling beneath the weight of new skyscraper developments.  i liken the feeling to the dynamic of tall trees in the rainforest growing out of the organic decomposed mush of their less endurant plant-brethren.  progress leaving culture and tradition behind in pursuit of efficient modernity.  sad, in many cases, but inevitably pushing forward.